Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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