Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
