I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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