she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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