I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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