As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm having to shit out rocks
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
