whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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