Sry I called you an 8
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
