Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
