If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
