If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These tits shall not be calmed
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