she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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