Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
