I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
