If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
