Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
