They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
