There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
