Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
