Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
