Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
