Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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