how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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