smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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