I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
