please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
