Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
