She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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