Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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