I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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