break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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