but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
