I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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