I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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