elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
