saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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