What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
