normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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