The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
