So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
