So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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