I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
