I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
