I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
