Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
