i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
