i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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