I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
