Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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