btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Randomize
