how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
