My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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