Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
