i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
