my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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